Saturday, July 5, 2014

Just Breathe

In. Out. In. Out- goes the rise and fall of my husband's chest. Ever since his heart attack in February I've watching him breathe when he goes to sleep.
Okay. Watching him breathe more. He's had health problems for a while and for several years I've watched him as he sleeps. He sometimes wakes up and sees me staring at him. I'm sure it's not disconcerting whatsoever for him.
This was also a habit I had with my grandparents. Especially my grandmother. But her heart would actually stop for a few seconds before she got her pacemaker.   Fun times for everyone.
I  also usually ask the husband several times during the day if he's ok or if his chest is hurting. I have slacked off, though, instead of asking 20 times a day I now ask 15 times a day. I'm sure that doesn't bug him at all.
It's just various family members have had several major health problems recently. Heart attack, three surgeries within six months for my mother, my grandfather's hospitalization and then him passing away.  It's made me a little anxious about losing loved ones.
As stated before I've tried not to ask him " Are you Ok? Are you sure you're ok?" every few minutes. I'm trying to get the questions down to ten a day. Ok- twelve a day. And try not to watch the rise and fall of his chest constantly as he sleeps.
He's still here. He's doing ok. Breathing fine.  I try to live in the moment. Snuggle up next to him. But because I love him I take a peek at his chest. Just a quick one.

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